Why can’t this be easy?

She dominates your thoughts, your dreams, just about every waking hour of your existence, to the point where a simple “want to catch up?” text message feels like the most arduous, tortuous experience.

You feel like just letting your emotions spill out right there and then, but you know that is not the honourable thing to do.  That sort of thing belongs in the face to face domain, not via text.

Your mind is constantly playing out the scenario in your head, constantly making refinements.  Sometimes you feel you will breeze through it, other times you feel as though you’ll fall in a heap.  You haven’t had much experience in this field, making the task all the more difficult.

So, what to say?  What to do?

You feel as though your pride is being dented every time you make contact with her – “What will she think when she sees my text?  “Will she want to catch up?”  The main question that rattles through your mind though, is “Am I pestering her?  Am I pissing her off by sending her these messages?”

You feel as though your pride will be dented if you ever pluck up the courage to ask her out – “Will she accept?  Reject?  Will she still want to still be friends if she says no?”  However, you feel as though you have to let her know how you feel, before it’s too late, so as not to have any regrets later on, so as not to “die wondering.”

You do all these things, ask all these internal questions, because you’ve had bad experiences with women in the past.  You have endured the failure of a long-term relationship, one you thought was going places.  Your trust of women has been shot to pieces, and you feel that a rejection now (a ‘smaller’ rejection, but a rejection nonetheless), will set you back further, make it harder for you in future.  Your pride doesn’t want to go back to the smash repairers for another major repair.

I am, of course, referring to myself, dear reader.  I have had these feelings for a particular female friend for quite a while now, close to about 4 or 5 months.  I don’t see her as often as I would like to, which frustrates me.  I want to catch up with her as often as possible, yet not come across as desperate to catch up.  I have a suspicious mind when it comes to thinking others have suspicious minds (if that makes sense).

And so dear reader, I ask of your help.  If you have any helpful suggestions, anything you think may help me in my plight, please comment.  The more varied responses I can get, the better.  And please, only constructive and helpful suggestions required; anything I deem otherwise will be deleted.